Why can’t I focus on something truly important instead of wasting time playing games, scrolling through videos on the internet, and learning things that are completely outside my supposed focus, like academics? I find it hard to study for my math subjects — actually, not just math, but any subject I’m supposed to be interested in. It feels like hell because every day I feel guilty. This isn’t what my parents raised me for. This isn’t why they sent me to college. I need to do something practical. I need to do something meaningful and show results for my parents’ hard work.I hate this life. There’s something off, and the fact that I don’t know what it is makes me hate it even more. I don’t want this. I want to finish college, get my degree, find a job, and live a good life with a family. But there’s always this distraction that pulls me down every single time. I hate it. I don’t want this. this is exhausting, feels like lifting myself.